After This Week, I Don’t Want Any of the Red Sox Starters Pitching a Postseason Game

I’m sitting here, trying to understand the disaster I just witnessed on the mound. You may know him as the pitcher formerly known as ERod, referred to as “Yuck,” by the great Dennis Eckersley. I know him as the dude who didn’t pick up a W between Memorial Day Weekend and Labor Day weekend, aka the entire summer of 17: Eduardo Rodriguez.

In less than two full innings tonight, Eduardo Rodriguez gave up five runs. That’s the second night in a row that the Red Sox began a game with a three-run deficit in the first inning. He had 2 K’s in the first, but also walked the leadoff batter, loaded the bases, and then gave up a 3-run double. And that was all in the first ten minutes of the game.

Now, I don’t know if this team is aware, but striking out batters so they can’t score is kind of important. As is scoring runs for yourself. The magic number to clinch is two, and if they win tonight while the Yankees lose, it’ll be a champagne celebration in the clubhouse. And yet this team seems to be floundering more than ever.

It’s the last week of the regular season, so, unfortunately, I’m used to the lineup not hitting well. But now our starters are pitching like absolute disasters too?! Come. On. Drew Pomeranz had 0 K’s in his Monday start. Chris Sale was a mess this week, and will most likely fail if he has to face the Indians in the postseason. Last night, Rick Porcello was only saved by a rare hit parade from this otherwise inconsistent lineup. So who the hell can we count on to actually pitch? I’m not even talking about pitching well, I’m saying who can take the mound, not load the bases and give up a million runs in the first five minutes, and last longer than two innings? Oh, the answer is no one? Well, fuck.

And I know I’m complaining about a problem with no real solution. We can’t exactly scrap our entire pitching rotation in the last week of the season; we can only hope for the best and then make some serious changes before next season. But I’m mad, you guys. I’m just so mad.

Get it together and just clinch already, Boston. This is just embarrassing.

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