Chris Sale Just Won

Okay, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. The Red Sox don’t even have an opponent yet, because like like they were in regular season, the National League is taking forever to figure their ish out. But as usual, I digress.

In the meantime, Boston has been scrambling for scraps of news. Will Mookie Betts start at second base so we can keep JD in the outfield for the DH-less series? Will David Price be as dominant next week as he was in his first postseason win this week? Will Sandy Leon ever get another hit?

And of course, the media has been clamoring for information surrounding Chris Sale’s mysterious hospitalization last week. At the time, it was called a ‘stomach illness,’ and it kept him from traveling to Houston on time. The lack of information led many to speculate that Sale’s shoulder was the real problem, inciting mass panic that he was done for the season.

Cora maintained that Sale truly and literally had been sick to his stomach, and that the already rail-thin pitcher had even lost weight. He pushed his Game 5 start back to Game 6, citing the need for his ace to get a bit of extra rest.

Thankfully, the rest of our starting rotation held it down to give Sale extra recovery time; David Price pitched Game 5, and there would be no need for a Game 6, because Red Sox are American League Champions. (I love typing those words)

But the rabid Boston media still needed answers, so Sale decided to give them a taste of their own medicine today. When asked about his stomach illness, Sale told reporters that it was actually an infection caused by a belly button piercing:

“I had an irritation from a belly-button ring that I kind of constantly was pulling in and out… It caused an irritation, a rash down there, so I had to take care of that. The doctors and nurses at MGH were awesome.”

Now, this isn’t the craziest thing. Many athletes have crazy hairstyles – I’m looking at you, Yuli – or enormous tattoos, Sale included. So many fans and reporters, myself included, bought the tale for a little bit. According to teammates, Sale is known for being quite the prankster, albeit one with an incredible poker face. Luckily, the story is yet another piece of fake news. At least this time, it’s funny.

On a more important and factual note, Chris Sale will be starting Game 1 on major rest. He has a career 1.67 ERA in 30 games when starting with extra rest. He also has a 0.00 ERA in the World Series, but, you know, that’s because he’s never been there before.

Here’s hoping Sale continues to get the last laugh. And if we do win the World Series, I’m buying him one of these:


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